[Forum Project #1] Story ***Spoilers in the making***

[skydereign]

Design Document Head: http://game-editor.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=35&t=12449

Note
This topic will contain all possible story spoilers. So those who'd like to play the finished game without having the story revealed, do not read. Also, this is by no means set it stone. The current story premise is based off discussions from the head document. We are currently using a mindmap for the story and character layout.
https://docs.google.com/file/d/0BxtGX9HNyY3pUlJRSDRROTQwU2s/edit?usp=sharing

Writers
skydereign
Jagmaster
happyjustbecause
GEuser

The Premise
You are in the beginnings of a dystopian society, slowly being taken over by an organization who wishes to cleanse the earth of those they deem unfit. This group has defined a hierarchy of worthiness, where the lowest levels must die or be made slaves. To avoid this purge, many people have fled into the steam tunnels, building refugee camps and even entire cities. Though under this new regime, you would enter the highest social class, you too flee into the steam tunnels, refusing such an unjust life. During the cleansing of your home city, your family was torn apart. Cast away in the steam tunnels, you begin to hear whispers of a growing rebellion. A mysterious figure begins to mobilize a resistance against Big Brother. Under this growing alliance, you begin your quest to reclaim your family, your home, and the free world.

Your father was a great inventor, and in the midst of the chaos, was taken by Big Brother. As his son, you have a knack for invention, and use your mechanical know how to produce an array of steam based weaponry. With your new found comrades, you must spread the world of rebellion throughout the underground cities, and collect the necessary resources to vanquish the enemy.

Characters

• The Hero
• Hero's Father
• Hero's Family
• Big Brother
• Big Brother's disciples
• Rebellion Leader
• More to come

Story/Game Outline

• Escape into the steam tunnels
• ?
• Profit

The World
Steampunk dystopian world. Cities claimed by Big Brother more high tech, but still mostly powered by steam. Lots of mind numbing propaganda supporting big brother. Underground cities as you would probably expect. Plenty to expand this section on...

[happyjustbecause]

I just want to say that the family of the main character should be introduced and bonded with before they just disappear possibly forever. We should have some kind of emotional connection grow before they are killed, otherwise it won't really mean much to lose the family. I don't know how we would have some bond, but maybe just by having the family have some funny dialogue or having them just seem like likable people . Maybe a scene at dinner with the family having some good dialogue would accomplish this?

I don't know, I just want the family to mean something to the player so that there is more of an incentive to do something about the corrupt regime.

[master0500]

i have another possible story idea,
the main character has a background of inventor and discovers a use for electricity but everyone else thinks its a stupid idea. he goes to whoever is at the top of the hierarchy (king/queen etc.) and also thinks its a bad idea and possibly dangerous. in an attempt to win him/she over, he demonstrates the use of electricity but something goes wrong and results in he/she getting killed and he is forced into hiding. the guards that witnessed this notified a group of assassins (BB) who happens to be ran by 2 of his old friends but perhaps split apart by a betrayal of sorts?

[skydereign]

I just want to say that the family of the main character should be introduced and bonded with before they just disappear possibly forever. We should have some kind of emotional connection grow before they are killed, otherwise it won't really mean much to lose the family. I don't know how we would have some bond, but maybe just by having the family have some funny dialogue or having them just seem like likable people . Maybe a scene at dinner with the family having some good dialogue would accomplish this?

I don't know, I just want the family to mean something to the player so that there is more of an incentive to do something about the corrupt regime.

Okay, the dinner scene though seems very light. I guess because I'm so used to the main character having no family, or very little family connections. Perhaps you, your siblings, and your mother are at home, expecting your father to return. You just created a steam gun that you swear will work, but need his permission to use it (or some other reason for you to be eagerly waiting for his return). At that point, you hear that the city is being taken over, and end up having to flee. With that you've met most of your family, and that you as the character want to see your father. It also establishes your background in gadgetry and that he is a great mechanic, whilst still allowing for a bit of mystery later on in the story.

i have another possible story idea,
the main character has a background of inventor and discovers a use for electricity but everyone else thinks its a stupid idea. he goes to whoever is at the top of the hierarchy (king/queen etc.) and also thinks its a bad idea and possibly dangerous. in an attempt to win him/she over, he demonstrates the use of electricity but something goes wrong and results in he/she getting killed and he is forced into hiding. the guards that witnessed this notified a group of assassins (BB) who happens to be ran by 2 of his old friends but perhaps split apart by a betrayal of sorts?

If I read that correctly, you end up killing the king or queen, making you the bad guy. Big Brother is then the good guy sent to assassinate you. Seems a little dark, and the character is entirely at fault.

[master0500]

perhaps not so much of a bad guy, but a fugitive and i don't think it would be to bad to have it a bit dark
BTW: what demographic are we aiming at?

[skydereign]

Dark is great, I've got nothing against that, but killing the king/queen by accident, while not establishing that the king/queen is evil, makes you a bad guy (not to mention a possibly poor inventor). And playing as the bad guy isn't necessarily a bad way to go either, but maybe I need to know more about your story. What would you be doing? Trying to save yourself by killing the guys hired to kill you? Even if you do manage to fix the flaws in your electricity, people will still fear it, as it killed their ruler. So for this story, what would be the resolution?

And the other idea would have plenty of dark elements to the game. The whole dystopian setting can be used to make the game darker, and we can reveal the misdoings of Big Brother as the game progresses. Since you are a rebel fugitive, it supports the choice to act covertly, which is a gameplay element we want. And, some people will of course supporting this new regime, despite them being members of the original freer world, and you may have to take them out.

As for the demographic, it should appeal to as many people as possible, but if I had to pick a single range, I'd say we go for 13-20. Most users here started in the first range, and gE served as their introduction to game design. Directly targeting older groups would mean more direct competition with the other game development tools, which I don't feel we are ready for.

[Jagmaster]

I've thought about the crucial "first five minutes" of a game, or movie, or book, or whatever. The first five minutes should be so impressive and inciting that the player will be exited to see what happens next.

So keeping that in mind, I don't think it'd be good to overload a ton of story information at the beginning. Maybe have a level establishing the the setting and rebellion would be a good place to start (the protagonist wouldn't even have to be in said level)?

I just want to say that the family of the main character should be introduced and bonded with before they just disappear possibly forever. We should have some kind of emotional connection grow before they are killed, otherwise it won't really mean much to lose the family. I don't know how we would have some bond, but maybe just by having the family have some funny dialogue or having them just seem like likable people . Maybe a scene at dinner with the family having some good dialogue would accomplish this?

I don't know, I just want the family to mean something to the player so that there is more of an incentive to do something about the corrupt regime.

This is an excellent point, I think it'd be neat if the player had flashbacks in cut scenes between levels, that could give the player some background information on who his family was.

Initially I imagine the protagonist is a loner, with his father missing (which could be the protagonist's only living relative).

So, maybe have scenes with the protagonist as a kid, watching his dad invent stuff in his workshop, or something of the like.

i have another possible story idea,
the main character has a background of inventor and discovers a use for electricity but everyone else thinks its a stupid idea. he goes to whoever is at the top of the hierarchy (king/queen etc.) and also thinks its a bad idea and possibly dangerous. in an attempt to win him/she over, he demonstrates the use of electricity but something goes wrong and results in he/she getting killed and he is forced into hiding. the guards that witnessed this notified a group of assassins (BB) who happens to be ran by 2 of his old friends but perhaps split apart by a betrayal of sorts?

What if instead of the main character screwing up everything like that, it was his father? And this blunder is the reason for his disappearance? He could be captured in secret by bb and forced into creating weapons for them? That could make a neat plot twist when the hero finds out that the robotic enemies were in fact the creation of the very one he was trying to rescue. That could be interesting indeed.

Either way, I think trying to find a lost father figure would be a good overall goal along with abolishing BB's regime.

[skydereign]

I've thought about the crucial "first five minutes" of a game, or movie, or book, or whatever. The first five minutes should be so impressive and inciting that the player will be exited to see what happens next.

So keeping that in mind, I don't think it'd be good to overload a ton of story information at the beginning. Maybe have a level establishing the the setting and rebellion would be a good place to start (the protagonist wouldn't even have to be in said level)?

I just want to say that the family of the main character should be introduced and bonded with before they just disappear possibly forever. We should have some kind of emotional connection grow before they are killed, otherwise it won't really mean much to lose the family. I don't know how we would have some bond, but maybe just by having the family have some funny dialogue or having them just seem like likable people . Maybe a scene at dinner with the family having some good dialogue would accomplish this?

I don't know, I just want the family to mean something to the player so that there is more of an incentive to do something about the corrupt regime.

This is an excellent point, I think it'd be neat if the player had flashbacks in cut scenes between levels, that could give the player some background information on who his family was.

Initially I imagine the protagonist is a loner, with his father missing (which could be the protagonist's only living relative).

So, maybe have scenes with the protagonist as a kid, watching his dad invent stuff in his workshop, or something of the like.

i have another possible story idea,
the main character has a background of inventor and discovers a use for electricity but everyone else thinks its a stupid idea. he goes to whoever is at the top of the hierarchy (king/queen etc.) and also thinks its a bad idea and possibly dangerous. in an attempt to win him/she over, he demonstrates the use of electricity but something goes wrong and results in he/she getting killed and he is forced into hiding. the guards that witnessed this notified a group of assassins (BB) who happens to be ran by 2 of his old friends but perhaps split apart by a betrayal of sorts?

What if instead of the main character screwing up everything like that, it was his father? And this blunder is the reason for his disappearance? He could be captured in secret by bb and forced into creating weapons for them? That could make a neat plot twist when the hero finds out that the robotic enemies were in fact the creation of the very one he was trying to rescue. That could be interesting indeed.

Either way, I think trying to find a lost father figure would be a good overall goal along with abolishing BB's regime.

Definitely, the first five minutes are very important, and the actual presentation of the story needs to reflect that. The premise in the first post was just for establishing the actual story. It doesn't make for quite the catching opening. But most of that can be revealed through flashback and character interaction. I would say that back story is still vital. Since the game should immediately start out playable, I think the character should be a part of it. A good point to start might be when the steam robots invade your city. That way you are right in the middle of a battle level, and are able to really get a taste of the full game play.

I also like the idea that the father is the one creating the robots. I was actually going to post an idea for the general class hierarchy that Big Brother uses. The main points were that older scientists and mechanists were a threat, and removed (in actuality forced into making new technologies for war and such). The children of the mechanics were then promoted to the highest class, that way they can be brainwashed/trained to work for Big Brother. This also allows the kids to be used as a leverage to make the adults do what they want.

I'm not entirely sure about removing the entire family aside from the father will quite get what happyjustbecause was aiming for. But, I do like the feel of flashbacks of the player watching and learning from his father. Perhaps you begin to suspect your father is still alive and working for the regime through similarities in the robots designs and parts? You do end up collecting a lot of parts from the robots to make your weapons, so it would definitely make sense. And going along with why he disappeared, perhaps the accident is the excuse they use to capture your father without much interference. At that point they could also use it to kill the ruling party, and substitute their own (just one of the leading steps to full invasion).

[happyjustbecause]

Definitely, the first five minutes are very important, and the actual presentation of the story needs to reflect that. The premise in the first post was just for establishing the actual story. It doesn't make for quite the catching opening. But most of that can be revealed through flashback and character interaction. I would say that back story is still vital. Since the game should immediately start out playable, I think the character should be a part of it. A good point to start might be when the steam robots invade your city. That way you are right in the middle of a battle level, and are able to really get a taste of the full game play.

I also like the idea that the father is the one creating the robots. I was actually going to post an idea for the general class hierarchy that Big Brother uses. The main points were that older scientists and mechanists were a threat, and removed (in actuality forced into making new technologies for war and such). The children of the mechanics were then promoted to the highest class, that way they can be brainwashed/trained to work for Big Brother. This also allows the kids to be used as a leverage to make the adults do what they want.

I'm not entirely sure about removing the entire family aside from the father will quite get what happyjustbecause was aiming for. But, I do like the feel of flashbacks of the player watching and learning from his father. Perhaps you begin to suspect your father is still alive and working for the regime through similarities in the robots designs and parts? You do end up collecting a lot of parts from the robots to make your weapons, so it would definitely make sense. And going along with why he disappeared, perhaps the accident is the excuse they use to capture your father without much interference. At that point they could also use it to kill the ruling party, and substitute their own (just one of the leading steps to full invasion).

I think that placing the player into a battlefield is a good idea as well. I've found that when a game starts off with a slow beginning/tutorial it tends to be a lot worse than a game that puts you right into the action. I mean we could have a little introduction at least, but once the player actually takes control, I think a battlefield would be a good way to learn the basics and see some of the cool stuff that the game has (lots of action and motion).

I also like the idea of the father being forced to build the robots/weapons. That would be a pretty interesting plot twist to discover. But we would have to have the other members of the family somehow included, unless for some reason his father is all that he has, making his possible loner-ish nature even more noticeable.

Flashbacks could be cool if they are done right. They are used kind of often it seems and I haven't experienced many games that do them quite as they should be done, but I think if designed well they could add a lot to the story.

[Jagmaster]

I've collected some names/surnames that might be useable for characters.
A lot of them came from lists and random generators. For some of them I took some Latin root words and combined them with Victorian sounding suffixes.
I know there's not much choice here, I'll keep digging around for some cool sounding names and add them to the list.

First Names:
Now this list could be miles long. If we are to have many npc's we'll need lots more options. I didn't look for many female names, I'll search out for more if necessary.
I think it would be important to pin down a name for the protagonist first.
Male--------:
Wilbur
Gerald
Morris
Marshall
Gilbert
Felix
Quarrien
Otis
Winston

Female------:
Florence
Bertha
Eula
Adeline
Iva

Surnames:
Bartels
Brobus
Broxholme
Buisald
Charlamek
Clericoates
Crettyl
Cryptwell
Echisholme
Edgerton
Epistemwell
Grainger
Harvoyde
Kennenore
Lalphard
Lyon
Novendec
Obtec
Selwyn
Skinner
Smith
Streptaven
Tarten
Vinan
Wettip

Some of the latin roots used:
(I looked for some that had a slightly unsavory meaning, more for possible antagonists)
crypt- Hidden
echis- viper
obtect- concealed
strept- twisted
adip- fat
arch- chief, most important, rule
epistem- knowledge or science
novendec- Nineteen
macro - Large

Names candidates for the main antagonist:
I got only a few, and they're not that great. I'll see if I can think of any more.
I tried incorporating "Brother" in some of them.

Brothyre
Brocrypt
Archstreptis
Macroechis

We might come up with an acronym or even an bacronym for Big Brother's organization.
If anyone has more ideas/preferences then post 'em.

[skydereign]

Currently my favorite combination is Felix Epistem for the main character.

[GEuser]

Need a larger list of names, can't think of any off hand.

some ideas:
1. Can Hero be evil or just pretending...?

Once Hero gains respect within rebel faction, he is expected to act as an Infiltrator, sabotage Overlord facilites, gather resources and information. This can only be pulled off if Hero show's the same level of merciless cruelity as expected of any worthy overlord subordinate or atleast express a little of it. Is a demonstration of loyality necessary to pull off the Infiltration?

2. More about father & overlord.

... Cities claimed by Big Brother more high tech, but still mostly powered by steam...

Hero makes another discovery about his father during infiltration of cities claimed by overlord.

His suspicions are raised when he realises there is less steam technology around in these then he remembered. Theres more advanced stuff everywhere (including law enforcement mechanoids / robot guards, etc...) and stuff that he remember's his father mentioned about his work only once (rare enough for him to remember).

Hero discovers more when he makes contact with a former scientist associate of his father, a rebellion sympathiser who did not have the courage of his father (who the Overlord promoted for assisting him in realising Hero father's technological blueprints when hero family was split up). His father was in the Overlords bad books long before the family split up. His father had discovered a novel energy power source and invented many new non-steam based technologies that were never finished. Overlord saw this technology as a key advantage in expanding his empire. The Overlord wanted ownership of these without giving any credit. When father refused it was an ideal opportunity for the overlord to get rid of him. Accusaton of hoarding technology that could benefit society was made. An act of betrayal against civilised society ( as the propaganda would go).

At a latter stage Hero witnesses same associate arrested for being a rebellion sympathiser and promptly executed without fanfare. A witch hunt for all rebellion sympathisers after several successful campaigns (of "terrorist act" = propaganda) against the regime gave the Overlord securities a green card to do as a they pleased. This only furthers the rebellions cause and support.

3. Eugenics and zombies

...This group has defined a hierarchy of worthiness, where the lowest levels must die or be made slaves...

This could be expressed geographically too. The underground system could be a tiered system where people are allowed to only occupy locations deemed worthy of them. Briefly, if there was a worthiness scale, those considered useful would occupy a location closer to the surface and those less deeper.
Only a minority of the population live on surface, lesser sorts are expected to commute to surface in preparation for daily servitude. There is also a regular culling of the subterranean populace for slaves.

There could be those that are classed as not even being worthy of a worthiness scale, relegated to the lowest levels and ignored (out of sheer arrogance, a mistake that could be advantageous to the rebellion?). This ignored group could shift the story line in another direction.

Another unexpected scenario could be they are hunted down to the point where they have been forced to escape to the deepest uninhabited levels, living a wretched existence amongst the filth of waste repoduce that is dumped here via massive drainage piping / infrastructure. The darker side could be that some of these were criminals who were experimented on and disposed of here, in the raw sewage, industrial waste, rotten food, radioactive sources they mutated, sort of zombie like creatures? On a gaming front, the rebellion discovered this when they ventured here to replenish there resources (various bio-gases, poisons, acids, radioactive sources, other dumped materials). Our hero would discover this from the rebellion when he is put on material resources gathering, recruitment qualification test? How much can he collect and still return alive, with a few zombie souvenirs? Oh, to make a real drama out of this, one of the zombie's could be his brotther/sister. When family was split up, he had no idea where all the various relations ended up. He slowly discovers all their whereabouts during his tasks and infiltration work for the rebellion. As an act of mercy he decides to swiftly despatch his zombie sibling ( at a character level this could be a personailty building experience, more hardened resolve? more disdain for the regime, more prepared to dare an audacious revenge?).


[EDIT] cleared up typos, I've got a new rubbishy wireless keyboard that has sticky rubbery keys, damn annoying, lol.

[happyjustbecause]

The worthiness scale reminds me of a Twilight Zone episode called "The Obsolete Man". It too has a dystopian 1984 like society that would label anyone that questioned the society's beliefs as obsolete. Maybe we could do implement something like that, the main character's family could be labeled obsolete, or one person in the family (possibly the main character). But I like the worthiness scale, it adds another level of how Big Brother or whoever operate, how the ruling class divide and conquer by separating the people.

Maybe the main character as a rebel sympathiser would be labeled low or obsolete on the worthiness scale and he becomes a public enemy that way. He's called to some kind of trial (again like the Twilight Zone episode) and he's made into an enemy and somehow he escapes. Then there would be another reason that the main character is being focused on by Big Brother, the main character would be an exceptional target, not just one of the many rebel forces. He could even be the only one who has escaped death after being labeled obsolete or a public enemy.

The zombie idea would be kind of cool, a little out of place, but that might be a cool diversion from regular enemies. We could do it and retain the steampunk theme for sure, but I wouldn't want the zombies to become too big of a part of the game. Maybe just mention them a few times, encounter them one or two times (maybe the first time you encounter them is a whole mission and the last time is seeing them as an ally in a storming of Big Brother's base). I think it would be cool to see, some kind of unexpected enemy to face. You could be trying to escape some kind of powerful squad of robots or something and get lost in the caves and stumble upon the zombie like area. I guess that's what you (GEuser) had in mind too:

Another unexpected scenario could be they are hunted down to the point where they have been forced to escape to the deepest uninhabited levels...

By the way, I think Fenix is a good name too, possibly something else, but it kind of fits the initial character art that Sky came up with. But I like Fenix Cryptwell =D

[GEuser]

... I wouldn't want the zombies to become to big of a part of the game. Maybe just mention them a few times, encounter them one or two times ...

Not necessarily zombies just more addle brained, covetous and quick tempered. The idea was that if resources were to be gathered from waste dumps deep down in remote areas there should be a deterrent from piling up resources too easily (it has to be a challenge), somewhat different from the regular robots/mechanoids because you are in a totally diffferent environment far removed from the norm. No biggie though, if not included.

@ Jag

More names for you (not all that original though). I like Baldrick Llangattock for one of Overlord's lackies / advisors. For a female how about Hesba Jeal Makes me laugh for some reason.

MALE
---------
Lytton
Marlowe
Bert
Hector
Wallace
Irving
Ernest
Myles
Baldrick
Mandell

FEMALE
---------
Alicia
Georgiana
Eleanor
Gertrude
Bea
Patsy
Hesba
Netta
Olivia
Sylvia
Heather
Claudia
Eliza
Lynn
Clementina
Ellen
Beautrice
Beatrix

SURNAMES
---------
Strachey
Wolseley
Lawry
Llangattock
Quatermain
Selous
Haggard
Capstick
Jeal
Harber
Byam
Mortimer
Acton
Shackleton
Standish
Fairfax
Mallory
Sloss
Coveny
Loxton
Balfe
Beaton
Gibbs

[kickstart]

I think if the names were simple yet unique they would be real catchy. If we have extremely long and complicated names it makes the game less relatable and hard to follow onto. It would be hard to reference back to (Ex: Oh yeah, Steam Run, My Favorite character is Georgiana Shackleton!) It sounds too unrealistic almost, however there are some name combinations I like in there. Just trying to put in my two cents.